"The nights are long but the years are short."
Few things are as profoundly true as the above statement is to a parent. So what, if any, piece of advice would I dare to share with someone who is about to step into this eternal world of paradox that is parenthood? Above all else I would say "Be Gentle. Always, if you are feeling unsure, angry, lost, or confused, think to this phrase first."
Be Gentle...
with your little one. Chances are they will know they made a mistake even before you see it. You do not need to alert them to this fact with yelling, or violence. What they do not know is how to handle their own feelings of surprise, anger, disillusionment, exhaustion, and sadness. They do not know how to respond to someone who has upset them. For this, they look to you. Show them, with your kind voice and loving arms, how you handle the moments that they may inspire you to feel these things. Show them that it is normal, and nothing to be ashamed of, to feel these things. Show them how to handle their emotions in a way that you would be proud to see mirrored back to you, because I promise you, you will.
Be Gentle...
With your partner. Maybe this is a first child for both of you. Maybe this is your first child together. Maybe this is your third. Regardless, this is your first time with this child, in this exact situation. You will each constantly be discovering new, wonderful, and sometimes unsettling things about yourselves. You will be seeing different, and surprising, things in each other. You will be sleep deprived and all of your best plans may go out the window. But, Oh! The adventure you are about to set out on will be worth it! When you feel irritation creeping up, and know your temper is short...breathe. Choose compassion instead. Do one thing to help your partner, and then address your need. Expect the same level of care from them. Make this promise to each other now, and see how many fights never begin. This phase will be as challenging as it is beautiful, but if you learn to love each other now, in your least lovable moments, you will treasure one another in the future.
Be Gentle...
With yourself. This place you are in is uncharted territory. It is understandable that you may lose your footing now and then. You want to be the perfect parent, I know. You have promised a million times to give them everything you never had; But right now you really need them to stop screaming and let you do this one thing. Maybe for the first, or hundredth, time you lost yourself for a moment. Talk to yourself in those moments with the same sweetness you would use to comfort a friend. You did not come to this place with a clean slate. You are the product of a lifetime of experience and lessons - not all of them positive.
Apologize, even when they are too young to fully understand. Teach them to have tenderness when dealing with themselves and that there is no shame in saying 'I'm sorry.'