You don't need justice. My darling, believe me, you deserve it. You deserve to be heard. You deserve to be validated and consoled. You deserve to see the person who hurt you own it and try to be better. You deserve to walk into a room without the yoke of their lies strangling you, as you feel the hatred of people who will never understand burn through you.
You deserve to be seen - For your strength, your courage, your brave and loving heart, your gentle soul, your fierce determination, your voice, your healing, and the deep wounds you have carried for so long.
They will try to convince you that these wounds are your fault. They will try to tell you that, "You made them this way. You brought it on yourself. You were the reason for their actions." Not that you owe anyone anything, but I want you to do something for me. In your kindest voice, dripping with all the honey of your sweet soul, I want you tell them to fuck right off with that abusive nonsense. You are responsible for yourself. They need to own their actions, and they probably never will.
You deserve so much. You will probably never get it.
You will never get everything you deserve, but Love listen to me: That is okay. You know why? Because YOU are okay. You are more than okay. You are a Phoenix and you turned their pyres into your own glorious rebirth. You did it. You survived. You felt like drowning and you kept your head above water. You were beaten down, lied to, and taken advantage of and you are still here. They tried to pin the blame on you instead of owning their own sins and you said "Enough!" You did it. You fucking did it.
Those wounds might not be fully healed yet but they are showing you where you have bled and refused to succumb. Your scars make your wild heart even more beautiful to those who deserve you and more terrifying to those who don't. You removed the wishbone that was holding you up and replaced it with a spine of steel. You are a warrior. You are finding that voice that was silenced for so long and roaring your truths; this courage will help others to find you, and to find their healing.
You will never get everything you deserve from them, but you should get it from yourself. They tried to use all that is good and beautiful in your soul against you and you are turning it on yourself for once, and giving yourself the love you so freely gave to those who did not earn it. You are continuing to offer those parts to the world. Go gently here. It is more than acceptable if you only have enough energy to nurture yourself for a little while. Don't rush. You deserve this time.
Retreat. Rest. Dance. Paint. Sing. Scream. Cry. Rebuild. Lick your wounds and find yourself. When you do you will emerge more magnificent than ever. You will be ready to give love in ways that respect your boundaries because you will have finally had the time to discover what your boundaries are. Listen. Get acquainted with that voice inside of you - that heaviness that would settle in your gut or tighten your chest - the one they told you was crazy and not to listen to. Listen to them. You will show the world just how well you truly deserve to be loved. You will never accept this treatment again. You will collect back all of your scattered light and become a beacon for those who are about to embark on the same journey.
You will never get what you deserve from them but baby, you never needed them anyway.
This piece was contributed by Amber Therrien. A homeschooling mother, herbalist, doula, and co-founder of Wild Woman Wellness Center.
